 |
Leileilei | Rants&Updates | OtherStuffs |
About!
CHEONGYILEI
Me, I don't eat (most of) my veggies. I enjoy air-conditioners on humid mornings, ice-creams on cold evenings and sleeping on rainy nights. I'm a dreamer and a kpop lover. I like dark red roses and bright yellow sunflowers, but I hate artificial flowers. I like travelling and daydreaming a lot better than annotating literature texts though I like libraries, bookstores and thick a4-sized notebooks. I think its fun to scribble stuff - words, quotes, pictures, symbols - in my notebooks. I have a tendency of writing notes on foolscap and losing them ): Oh, I think I want to dye my hair red when I grow up. And and and, I think its pretty fun writing this.
CHEONGYILEI Me, I don't eat (most of) my veggies. I enjoy air-conditioners on humid mornings, ice-creams on cold evenings and sleeping on rainy nights. I'm a dreamer and a kpop lover. I like dark red roses and bright yellow sunflowers, but I hate artificial flowers. I like travelling and daydreaming a lot better than annotating literature texts though I like libraries, bookstores and thick a4-sized notebooks. I think its fun to scribble stuff - words, quotes, pictures, symbols - in my notebooks. I have a tendency of writing notes on foolscap and losing them ): Oh, I think I want to dye my hair red when I grow up. And and and, I think its pretty fun writing this.
Δ ): applications universities applications universities
24 September 2014, 23:08
Stress crying a bit too often these days, like seriously, I can just sit there, blank out and start weeping, like whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat. So yupps, here's another rambling post, so you might want to just ignore this disgusting whiny little me here.
It suddenly hit me in the face that I've to start requesting for recommendations if I'm applying early, but I suddenly felt so empty and I start doubting that I really really really want to apply? Thing is, I know that I want to study overseas but it feels like a terrible dream that I cannot ever reach? As in my grades are already poor and with prelims, the predicted grades are just going to slide even further, which makes me feel like I don't even make the basic cut. I mean, I'm not that interesting or anything either no matter how much I attempt to differentiate myself from the rest. I'm just boring me ): Plus money is always an issue; if your chances of not getting in are not high, how much stake would you put in it, I mean you might pay all that administrative fee and not even hear that silent 'plonk' as it falls deep into the sea. On top of that, it seems as though my mum is not entirely supportive of me studying overseas. She's not the kind who would impose a strict no but it's clear enough that she would rather I stay local. I think partially because of how much my sis changed/did not change after her overseas trips, studying overseas has become a pretty touchy issue at home. And I feel like the most ridiculous person on earth, wanting to study something I cannot and not wanting to studying what I can. And (omg this is crazy but) I just had this idea that maybe I shouldn't apply to these schools at all, that I should only apply to non-English speaking countries. Haha, then all my time and money invested/am going to invest in SATs just got flushed down the drain.Seriously, yilei, no.(Sorry, am talking to myself again D:) The only thing I've decided is that I really want to enjoy my university days? I think going through this A level period has really taught me that I seriously don't want to be blindly mugging over things I seriously doubt I am going to ever use in the next million years of my life. (No shit, major Eureka moment, Yilei, I can't believe that you're actually typing this down, just kill me now. )
Sigh, why am I feeling like crap, again. Life life life. What to do with my life? ):
It suddenly hit me in the face that I've to start requesting for recommendations if I'm applying early, but I suddenly felt so empty and I start doubting that I really really really want to apply? Thing is, I know that I want to study overseas but it feels like a terrible dream that I cannot ever reach? As in my grades are already poor and with prelims, the predicted grades are just going to slide even further, which makes me feel like I don't even make the basic cut. I mean, I'm not that interesting or anything either no matter how much I attempt to differentiate myself from the rest. I'm just boring me ): Plus money is always an issue; if your chances of not getting in are not high, how much stake would you put in it, I mean you might pay all that administrative fee and not even hear that silent 'plonk' as it falls deep into the sea. On top of that, it seems as though my mum is not entirely supportive of me studying overseas. She's not the kind who would impose a strict no but it's clear enough that she would rather I stay local. I think partially because of how much my sis changed/did not change after her overseas trips, studying overseas has become a pretty touchy issue at home. And I feel like the most ridiculous person on earth, wanting to study something I cannot and not wanting to studying what I can. And (omg this is crazy but) I just had this idea that maybe I shouldn't apply to these schools at all, that I should only apply to non-English speaking countries. Haha, then all my time and money invested/am going to invest in SATs just got flushed down the drain.
Sigh, why am I feeling like crap, again. Life life life. What to do with my life? ):
Δ Finally a night of rest
23 September 2014, 23:38
Yay the title says it all. (: I still have papers to go after this (like duh obviously) but at least the more mentally intensive ones for prelims are finally over. Although it wasn't exactly the best exams I've ever had, and probably one of the worst actually, I'm really glad to be able to take a break tonight. Felt like it had been forever since I've last felt so free, but in any case I've got to start work again tomorrow, working on the MCQs and my coursework. Seriously, if I've been writing terribly now, what I wrote half a year ago is not even readable. Everytime I do my coursework and relook at the piece of thing, I reask myself, what was I thinking at that point in time?! On a more positive note, that means that my level of thinking has been developing and improving! (:
(: Yuppppps time for a Yakult. I wonder what flavour will it be? Oh and did anyone notice the sushi cursor? Sushiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii; but wait Yakult first now.
(: Yuppppps time for a Yakult. I wonder what flavour will it be? Oh and did anyone notice the sushi cursor? Sushiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii; but wait Yakult first now.
Δ Please don't
22 September 2014, 16:18
My world, please don't fall apart. It feels like my world is crumbling or it's just me or I'm being plain lazy. I don't know. But would you please, could you please not fall apart? This is not the time, I cannot afford this. I really really cannot afford this. Just a bit more. That's all it takes - just a bit more.
Tell me you aren't falling apart. Tell me you aren't crumbling down.
Tell me you aren't falling apart. Tell me you aren't crumbling down.
Δ Things. I guess.
19 September 2014, 17:17
多遥远 多纠结 多想念 多无法描写
疼痛 和疯癫 你都看不见
想穿越 想飞天 想变成 造字的仓颉
创造 能让你想起我 的字眼
多遥远 多纠结 多想念 多无法描写
疼痛和疯癫 你都看不见
想穿越 想飞天 想变成 造字的仓颉
写出能让你快回来 的诗
需要你 需要你 需要你 想逆转时间
回到 最开始 有你的世界
想穿越 想飞天 想变成 造字的仓颉
写出让宇宙能重来的诗篇
仓颉 - 五月天
I'm pretty tired out from studying so let me take a break and write about things that have happened over the last few days. I haven't told anyone, or more precisely I haven't told the full story to anyone, so here you have it first hand, probably not so fresh from the oven (seeing its a few days old).
疼痛 和疯癫 你都看不见
想穿越 想飞天 想变成 造字的仓颉
创造 能让你想起我 的字眼
多遥远 多纠结 多想念 多无法描写
疼痛和疯癫 你都看不见
想穿越 想飞天 想变成 造字的仓颉
写出能让你快回来 的诗
需要你 需要你 需要你 想逆转时间
回到 最开始 有你的世界
想穿越 想飞天 想变成 造字的仓颉
写出让宇宙能重来的诗篇
仓颉 - 五月天
I'm pretty tired out from studying so let me take a break and write about things that have happened over the last few days. I haven't told anyone, or more precisely I haven't told the full story to anyone, so here you have it first hand, probably not so fresh from the oven (seeing its a few days old).
It was pretty disastrous. Preliminary exams have started and they were really tough and I struggled a lot with them, more than I did with my CTs, so that is not exactly a good piece of news. This was particularly so for chemistry on Wednesday, where I basically blanked out during the exam although it was a doable paper. Some may say its just because I was not well prepared enough, that's why I panicked and blanked out, sure, I don't deny that, but in any case, it was not a good experience. I think it was pretty obvious that I was upset back at home, but I escaped my friends fast enough and ran to the seventh floor where no one is during this time of the year, and cried for I don't even know how long. It felt like I didn't know what I was doing, or why I was crying, but I just cried because I was truly stressed out and completely helpless about it. It has been pretty long since I've started thinking this way but all too suddenly, I started wondering how much better and less stressful could life have been if I never enrolled myself into this supposedly fast track raffles programme and just went through o levels, probably go to polytechnic and get a job after. I personally find it a selfish thought, so I've always dismissed the idea but times like this just get me thinking? It makes me wonder why am I studying and what am I studying for; and truthfully, I have no idea.
Then I had this unfortunate incident of meeting with this not so courteous schoolmate who was talking loudly to his peers and clearly made no attempt to do so in a low shushed voice - I could even overhear them with my earphones plugged in. Annoyed me decided to change a table and give them the universal signal signal for silence please - shhh - anyway. Unlike his peers who were immediately embarrassed and lowered their volumes, this other guy said "fuck her lah". I think I really tried my best to walk away and only turn back to give him a - hopefully deadly and not stupid looking - stare. Why do I meet such impolite people, I think it ruined my Wednesday twice.
Then there was french prelim results yesterday, which I did pretty well but not well enough nonetheless. It feels like I'm not putting enough effort, still, into my studies - particularly in comparison with my friends who have made continuous leaps of significant improvements. I just wished I made such improvements too. Sighs.
You know, I'm trying. I'm really really really trying; but sometimes, I don't know how much more I can do this. Is it really just another 64 days? Who understands and who cares? I guess I'll just go back to doing more past year papers.
Δ internet is down ;_;
08 September 2014, 16:50
The sky is falling - my home internet is down. Seriously, the router just died on me and I can't seem to remove the lan line from it to connect to my computer, so here am I leeching on school internet. Ok, I seem to be the only victim from the incident because everybody else has trustworthy 3g to rely on while I go around trying to steal data and turn on people's tethering. Ok, I'm going to take it as some heavenly sign that I have to studying. Sigh pies.
Δ pitiful toenails
07 September 2014, 12:02
The second toenail of the month just fell off, omg. I'm seriously freaking out. Anyone who've seen my reaction to any type of nail injury would probably be able to imagine how bad I'm freaking out right now. (Imagine the kind of trauma I put myself through when I watched Black Swan.)
Apparently there are two most common reasons as to why toenails drop: 1. fungal infection 2. physical injury. Since mine doesn't involve any pain and my nails are brownish more than yellowish and they don't really chip, I'm guessing that mine falls into the second category. That means all this is probably due to the fact that I walk into everything and anything. I need to be less clumsy argh. But for the moment, I'm seriously freaking out and overprotective of my toes.
My toenailsssssssssss. ;_;
(Anyway I was reading some other blogs this morning and I had this grand ambition of writing in a more classy manner from now on because my style of writing here, ominously, bears great resemblance to that of an 8 year old most of the time. Well, I guess thats reserved for the good days.. whiny language still suits the occassion here best. Whine. )
Δ We're fireworks with a wet fuse, Flying planes with paper wheels
06 September 2014, 22:42
High on words
We almost used
We're fireworks with a wet fuse
Flying planes with paper wheels
To the same Achilles heels
- Find You, Zedd
Well, I didn't sleep well yesterday. I dreamt about quite a lot and it scares me actually that what I've been asking myself has been reflected in one of those dreams. Perhaps it would have been better if I made some sort of a choice in the dream (so I could at least convince myself that my subconscious had already given me the response to those tricky questions) but instead of giving an answer, I woke up. It's like, when I'm lost and don't know what to do, I escape from it just like how I escaped from the dream. And if you're wondering what that particular dream is about, it is, simply put, about him asking me out again. I seem to have hinted yes but I woke up before giving an answer. So is that a no? Funny I still don't know the answer.
But uhm yeah, other than that, something that I've been thinking a lot about these days is French. Well, I've been thinking about what to write for my university application essays and have also been studying for French prelims (which were horrible and terribleand vegetable) for the past few days. Hence, it occured to me that I could possibly write something about French? It seems like the first thing people think about when they think of me anyway, but in the process, I realised that I didn't know or wasn't exactly sure why I knew I would miss all this frenchy-ness. Could it be the walk? Could it be the classes? Could it be the people? I keep asking myself but it seems like one of the few answers that I could gather was... inappropriate I'd say. It seems to me sometimes that my love for french now is just the way in which I'm desperately trying to reconnect with who I was in the past? As if I didn't want to let go of french because I didn't want to let go of the past - and I really can't say if that's a good thing or not. The thing is, such thoughts make me feel.. empty? I don't know, I'm trying to put it into words but I just can't. I used to think it was jealousy, jealous that someone else now has what I had, or perhaps it was anger, angry about how everything turned out to be, that I feel empty especially regarding french, but I pretty much concluded it was guilt, guilty of letting everything turn out the way it had; and guilt ate me up. It took away who I was and now I don't know, I'm just leeching on whatever's left. I don't even know if I make anymore sense. I probally don't, sorry, ignore me please.
Just so you know, there was another dream where I went on some school trip with my close friends and we had to attend those typical shops you'd have to go to when you travel in China as part of the package - I don't know if I'm in China actually - just that it was some motorbike shop this time. So being the usual me, I was like whaaaaat? Not like I'm going to buy a motorcycle right?! and I ended up talking and blowing soap bubbles - yah I know wth - with my friends at the back while the sales personnel was still trying to advertise his products. Obviously the teacher came over to reprimand us for our attitude and the usual rude me strikes again, challenging her assumption that we had to listen even though we had no intention of buying. So my friends and I got punished and got sent to do a navy blue themed powerpoint, which I refused to do and ended up shopping on taobao. All I did was to draw big blue rectangles that covered the whole slide - so they essentially just look like the background - for each slide. LOL. And my friend was really scared and she went ahead to do the presentation. Before we knew it, quite a bit of time has passed and we realised that we had no idea where our friends and teachers were. So we ended up running along the corridors trying to find them, I even tried calling them on the phone, but guess who picked up. Some guy who called himself Messi, but when I turned around, he was just some tall caucassian guy - ok pretty good looking - but I have no idea who is he, he is definitely not Messi hahaha. And then my mum woke me up. I'm actually happy she did, felt like I was trapped in that crazy thriller.
We almost used
We're fireworks with a wet fuse
Flying planes with paper wheels
To the same Achilles heels
- Find You, Zedd
Well, I didn't sleep well yesterday. I dreamt about quite a lot and it scares me actually that what I've been asking myself has been reflected in one of those dreams. Perhaps it would have been better if I made some sort of a choice in the dream (so I could at least convince myself that my subconscious had already given me the response to those tricky questions) but instead of giving an answer, I woke up. It's like, when I'm lost and don't know what to do, I escape from it just like how I escaped from the dream. And if you're wondering what that particular dream is about, it is, simply put, about him asking me out again. I seem to have hinted yes but I woke up before giving an answer. So is that a no? Funny I still don't know the answer.
But uhm yeah, other than that, something that I've been thinking a lot about these days is French. Well, I've been thinking about what to write for my university application essays and have also been studying for French prelims (which were horrible and terrible
Just so you know, there was another dream where I went on some school trip with my close friends and we had to attend those typical shops you'd have to go to when you travel in China as part of the package - I don't know if I'm in China actually - just that it was some motorbike shop this time. So being the usual me, I was like whaaaaat? Not like I'm going to buy a motorcycle right?! and I ended up talking and blowing soap bubbles - yah I know wth - with my friends at the back while the sales personnel was still trying to advertise his products. Obviously the teacher came over to reprimand us for our attitude and the usual rude me strikes again, challenging her assumption that we had to listen even though we had no intention of buying. So my friends and I got punished and got sent to do a navy blue themed powerpoint, which I refused to do and ended up shopping on taobao. All I did was to draw big blue rectangles that covered the whole slide - so they essentially just look like the background - for each slide. LOL. And my friend was really scared and she went ahead to do the presentation. Before we knew it, quite a bit of time has passed and we realised that we had no idea where our friends and teachers were. So we ended up running along the corridors trying to find them, I even tried calling them on the phone, but guess who picked up. Some guy who called himself Messi, but when I turned around, he was just some tall caucassian guy - ok pretty good looking - but I have no idea who is he, he is definitely not Messi hahaha. And then my mum woke me up. I'm actually happy she did, felt like I was trapped in that crazy thriller.
Archive
December 2006 | January 2007 | March 2007 | April 2007 | May 2007 | June 2007 | July 2007 | August 2007 | September 2007 | October 2007 | November 2007 | December 2007 | January 2008 | February 2008 | March 2008 | April 2008 | May 2008 | June 2008 | July 2008 | August 2008 | September 2008 | October 2008 | November 2008 | December 2008 | January 2009 | February 2009 | March 2009 | April 2009 | May 2009 | June 2009 | July 2009 | August 2009 | September 2009 | October 2009 | November 2009 | December 2009 | January 2010 | February 2010 | March 2010 | April 2010 | May 2010 | June 2010 | July 2010 | August 2010 | September 2010 | October 2010 | November 2010 | December 2010 | January 2011 | February 2011 | March 2011 | April 2011 | May 2011 | June 2011 | July 2011 | August 2011 | September 2011 | October 2011 | November 2011 | December 2011 | January 2012 | February 2012 | March 2012 | April 2012 | May 2012 | June 2012 | July 2012 | August 2012 | September 2012 | October 2012 | November 2012 | December 2012 | January 2013 | February 2013 | March 2013 | April 2013 | June 2013 | July 2013 | August 2013 | September 2013 | October 2013 | November 2013 | December 2013 | January 2014 | February 2014 | March 2014 | April 2014 | May 2014 | June 2014 | July 2014 | August 2014 | September 2014 | October 2014 | November 2014 | December 2014 | January 2015 | February 2015 | March 2015 | April 2015 | May 2015 | June 2015 | July 2015 | August 2015 | September 2015 | October 2015 | November 2015 | December 2015 | January 2016 | February 2016 | March 2016 | April 2016 | May 2016 | August 2016 | September 2016 | October 2016 | December 2016 | January 2017 | March 2017 | May 2017 | July 2017 | September 2017 | November 2017 | December 2017 | February 2018 | August 2018 | June 2019 | November 2019 | February 2020 | April 2020 | June 2020 | December 2020 | April 2021 | January 2022 |
Others
Layout resources: Cubes / Header / Profile
Inspiration: Colour / Palette
December 2006 | January 2007 | March 2007 | April 2007 | May 2007 | June 2007 | July 2007 | August 2007 | September 2007 | October 2007 | November 2007 | December 2007 | January 2008 | February 2008 | March 2008 | April 2008 | May 2008 | June 2008 | July 2008 | August 2008 | September 2008 | October 2008 | November 2008 | December 2008 | January 2009 | February 2009 | March 2009 | April 2009 | May 2009 | June 2009 | July 2009 | August 2009 | September 2009 | October 2009 | November 2009 | December 2009 | January 2010 | February 2010 | March 2010 | April 2010 | May 2010 | June 2010 | July 2010 | August 2010 | September 2010 | October 2010 | November 2010 | December 2010 | January 2011 | February 2011 | March 2011 | April 2011 | May 2011 | June 2011 | July 2011 | August 2011 | September 2011 | October 2011 | November 2011 | December 2011 | January 2012 | February 2012 | March 2012 | April 2012 | May 2012 | June 2012 | July 2012 | August 2012 | September 2012 | October 2012 | November 2012 | December 2012 | January 2013 | February 2013 | March 2013 | April 2013 | June 2013 | July 2013 | August 2013 | September 2013 | October 2013 | November 2013 | December 2013 | January 2014 | February 2014 | March 2014 | April 2014 | May 2014 | June 2014 | July 2014 | August 2014 | September 2014 | October 2014 | November 2014 | December 2014 | January 2015 | February 2015 | March 2015 | April 2015 | May 2015 | June 2015 | July 2015 | August 2015 | September 2015 | October 2015 | November 2015 | December 2015 | January 2016 | February 2016 | March 2016 | April 2016 | May 2016 | August 2016 | September 2016 | October 2016 | December 2016 | January 2017 | March 2017 | May 2017 | July 2017 | September 2017 | November 2017 | December 2017 | February 2018 | August 2018 | June 2019 | November 2019 | February 2020 | April 2020 | June 2020 | December 2020 | April 2021 | January 2022 |
Others
Layout resources: Cubes / Header / Profile
Inspiration: Colour / Palette
Use Google Chrome for best viewing.
Layout © 16thday; Content&Edits @ Yilei