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24 September 2014, 23:08

Stress crying a bit too often these days, like seriously, I can just sit there, blank out and start weeping, like whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat. So yupps, here's another rambling post, so you might want to just ignore this disgusting whiny little me here.

It suddenly hit me in the face that I've to start requesting for recommendations if I'm applying early, but I suddenly felt so empty and I start doubting that I really really really want to apply? Thing is, I know that I want to study overseas but it feels like a terrible dream that I cannot ever reach? As in my grades are already poor and with prelims, the predicted grades are just going to slide even further, which makes me feel like I don't even make the basic cut. I mean, I'm not that interesting or anything either no matter how much I attempt to differentiate myself from the rest. I'm just boring me ): Plus money is always an issue; if your chances of not getting in are not high, how much stake would you put in it, I mean you might pay all that administrative fee and not even hear that silent 'plonk' as it falls deep into the sea. On top of that, it seems as though my mum is not entirely supportive of me studying overseas. She's not the kind who would impose a strict no but it's clear enough that she would rather I stay local. I think partially because of how much my sis changed/did not change after her overseas trips, studying overseas has become a pretty touchy issue at home. And I feel like the most ridiculous person on earth, wanting to study something I cannot and not wanting to studying what I can. And (omg this is crazy but) I just had this idea that maybe I shouldn't apply to these schools at all, that I should only apply to non-English speaking countries. Haha, then all my time and money invested/am going to invest in SATs just got flushed down the drain. Seriously, yilei, no.(Sorry, am talking to myself again D:) The only thing I've decided is that I really want to enjoy my university days? I think going through this A level period has really taught me that I seriously don't want to be blindly mugging over things I seriously doubt I am going to ever use in the next million years of my life. (No shit, major Eureka moment, Yilei, I can't believe that you're actually typing this down, just kill me now. ) 

Sigh, why am I feeling like crap, again. Life life life. What to do with my life? ):